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How Deep Listening Results to Better Understanding

Communication in today’s landscape is one big irony. While the different forms of digital media are thriving, face-to-face conversations are braving what could be called “dark times.” People today are more preoccupied than before—they tend to listen less and talk more. Unsatisfying communication is rampant in both the small setting and the big picture. We see relationships crumble and fights ensue because of the poor way spouses, parents, children, neighbors, friends, and colleagues communicate. We all suffer and endure the negative consequences of this notorious problem, which exists even among political parties, ethnicities, nations, and religions.
And the most disturbing part is that poor communication seems to be more than just a trend but a facet that is deeply ingrained in our present culture. If we look closely at it, communication seems to be both the problem and the solution. The complication can be traced back to people not showing enough interest or having enough forbearance to purse their lips, open their minds, and simply listen. Poor listening is the problem, and deep listening is the answer. Only by acknowledging this fact and working towards achieving it can we bring about a shift in the way communication works in the digital age.

What Deep Listening Truly Means

Deep Listening as a Tool for Improving the Way We Communicate
We all know and practice active listening, which entails repeating what the speaker says and seeking clarification for ambiguous ideas. While active listening is highly encouraged, to truly solve the problem of poor communication, we need to master deep listening, a more contemplative form of communication that involves listening to oneself before others.
Deep listening occurs when your mind is quiet and you’re able to suspend your reactive thinking and just open your thoughts to every possibility. It entails what John Keats called negative capability, which refers to when you’re “capable of being in uncertainties, mysteries, doubts, without any irritable reaching after fact and reason.” The nature of deep listening may appear paradoxical—after all, it claims that to better communicate with others, you must first pay attention to yourself. But by applying the principles of deep listening, you can become a more receptive, emphatic, trusting, and trustworthy listener, which can ultimately lead you to becoming a good communicator.

Three Steps to Connecting with Your Body, Speech, and Mind

Deep Listening as a Tool for Improving the Way We Communicate | meditate | Yoga
According to David Rome and Hope Martin, two trainers who have been studying and teaching deep listening for more than a decade, there are three techniques for tuning in to your mind, body, and speech: awareness meditation, the Alexander technique, and focusing on felt senses. By practicing these techniques, you can keep in touch with all aspects of your being—which is, ultimately, the foundation of deep listening.

1. Awareness Meditation

This type of meditation is known to some as mindfulness and to others, peaceful abiding. Whatever you call it, this principle lies only on two simple ideas: to watch your thoughts come and go without acting on them, and to always return to the present moment no matter what. Usually done in the form of a sitting meditation, it puts emphasis on body presence. One of the main inspirations for this technique is “The Four Foundations of Mindfulness,” an article by Buddhist meditation master Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche. It explains the following:

  • Mindfulness of body. “The basic starting point is solidness, groundedness. When you sit, you actually sit. Even your floating thoughts begin to sit on their own bottoms. You have a sense of solidness and, at the same time, a sense of being.”
  • Mindfulness of life. “The instinct to live can be seen as containing awareness, meditation, mindfulness. It constantly tunes us into what is happening. So, the life force that keeps us alive itself becomes the practice of mindfulness.”
  • Mindfulness of effort. “The sudden flash is a key to all Buddhist meditation, from the level of basic mindfulness to the highest levels of tantra. But it is not enough just to hope that a flash will come to us; there must be a background of discipline.”
  • Mindfulness of mind. “Mind functions singly. Once. And once. One thing at a time. Things always happen one at a time, in a direct, simple movement of mind. Mindfulness of mind is to be there with that one-shot perception, constantly.”

Deep Listening as a Tool for Improving the Way We Communicate | Awareness Meditation

2. The Alexander Technique

This principle is what molds you into developing equanimity so that you can avoid becoming a victim of your life circumstances. It enables you to look after yourself while facing the rigorous demands of life. By assuming an objective point of view, you not only open your mind to see how you interfere with your natural and intrinsic inclinations but also discern which habits and qualities you should let go of.

3. Focusing on Felt Senses

Originating from Western philosophy, this technique involves cultivating three inner skills: self-knowledge, a caring presence, and an intuitive insight. As its name suggests, this principle involves noticing your senses as you feel them. Usually, you don’t pick up these senses in your attention radar, but if you try to be more attentive to your emotions, you will be able to notice them easily. By noticing these sensations before acting on them, you’ll be able to choose your words and actions better in future arguments, helping you improve the way you communicate.
The sum of these three contemplative practices is powerful enough to effect a dramatic change that can impact everyone. If only more people learn and apply these valuable skills, we could all see a significant shift in the quality of communication in the twenty-first century.
 

References:

Bailey, Joe. “What Is Deep Listening?” Goodlife Zen. n.d. goodlifezen.com/what-is-deep-listening
Popova, Maria. “The Art of ‘Negative Capability’: Keats on Embracing Uncertainty and Celebrating the Mysterious.” Brain Pickings. n.d. www.brainpickings.org/2012/11/01/john-keats-on-negative-capability
Rinpoche, Chogyam Trungpa. “The Four Foundations of Mindfulness.” Lion’s Roar. November 30, 2016. www.lionsroar.com/the-four-foundations-of-mindfulness
“Deep Listening.” Mindful. n.d. www.contemplativemind.org/practices/tree/deep-listening
“Deep Listening.” Mindful. August 26, 2010. www.mindful.org/deep-listening
 

What Leaders Need to Know About Mindfulness

The best leaders work resolutely to unite their team to achieve their goals. Working hard is a given for them, and so is playing hard. They can channel their energy towards any challenge, and they can rest their minds despite the many responsibilities that await them. In other words, the best leaders know the secrets of mindfulness.

Before delving into what mindfulness is, let’s first clarify what it’s not. Mindfulness is not a religious activity—although it is, to some extent, transcendental in nature. It’s not about putting your thoughts to a pause, nor is it a way of escaping from reality. Most importantly, it’s not a one-time fix for your problems.

Mindfulness is a basic ability that you can harness if you put your mind to it. It involves focusing on the present, detaching your judgment from your reactions, and practicing self-observation. Its utmost goal is to rouse the inner workings of your mind so you can perform at your best. By training to be mindful, you can remodel your brain structure and mental composition.

Mindfulness for Business Leadership

Mindfulness for Business Leadership

Mindfulness presents many positive implications for business. In fact, it’s believed to be the one solution to the world’s illnesses. But as underlined before, this state of consciousness is not really a panacea. What’s more, there’s no substantial data relating to its impact on contemporary leadership.

If there’s no solid research about how this practice can “cure” the industry, then where does the overwhelming enthusiasm for it come from? Incidentally, it’s all based on personal observations and experiences. Take Bill George, for example. George, a Harvard professor and former Medtronic CEO, shared how meditative practices had helped him cope with his struggles at the top of the business chain. Another business tycoon who leveraged the power of mind training to become an effective leader was Apple’s co-founder, Steve Jobs. Jobs practiced Zen meditation techniques to gain better business clarity.

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Apart from the influence of these people, another reason why mindfulness is gaining a wider audience is the growing need of business leaders to find a timeout from their busy careers. They need a way to stop the world on command, and mindfulness can help with that.

Becoming a Mindful Leader

How to Be a Mindful Leader

Proper training can enhance your leadership abilities and improve your resilience. The following seven mini-habits are a good place to start.

1. Make time for introspective practice.

You need a proper space and enough time to carry out a mindful, introspective exercise that will awaken your mental mechanisms. The said exercise can come in many forms: journaling, praying, taking long walks, hiking, jogging, doing yoga, and meditating, among others. Any activity that lets you center into yourself will help open your inner sense of well-being. By developing simple habits like these, you’ll gain clarity to make sound decisions and become more aware of your impact to the world.

2. Pay attention to the present moment.

Mindful leaders know how to dwell in the moment and live life as it happens. After all, one of the aims of mindfulness is to quiet the mind and see everything as it is. Train your mind to pay attention to what’s immediately happening before you. You may occasionally find yourself getting caught up in your thoughts and emotions, but that’s alright, as long as you always return to the present.

3. Acknowledge your thoughts and let them roll by.

One of the important skills that come with mindfulness is metacognition, the ability to let your judgments roll by after making a mental note of them. Metacognition allows you to observe each moment and participate in it. It’s like going into the riverbank of your stream of consciousness to see what’s going on inside your head. You’ll find your thoughts, feelings, sensations, and impulses laid open before you. As a leader, you’ll find this helpful as it will keep you from being overly reactive or overwhelmed. You’ll be able to take broader perspectives into account before making crucial decisions.

Acknowledge Your Thoughts

4. Let your mind wander but only for a while.

While you’re in the middle of an exercise—practicing introspection, staying anchored to the present, observing metacognition—your mind may wander off. When this happens, don’t beat yourself up. Instead, just recognize where your mind has wandered into and gently bring it back.

5. Marry your head with your heart.

For you to become a mindful leader, you have to let your heart and mind become one. This may sound easy, but it’s not. As Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh said, “The longest journey you will ever take is the eighteen inches from your head to your heart.” To be a mindful leader, you must have the courage and the passion to be better. You should be able to exhibit intentionality in every action you take.

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6. Disconnect from the world.

To be truly mindful, you must reduce the unnecessary chatter in your head. You can’t focus on yourself if you’re always bombarded with distractions. You need an opportunity to de-stress and gather your thoughts. Do this by disconnecting from the world. Unplug everything that can distract you—people, gadgets, and noisy objects that keep you from centering on important things.

7. Take interest in the world around you.

You can only put yourself in the present if you take an interest in the world inside your head and the universe around you. Curiosity is the ingredient that will truly open your mind to its full capacity. Without it, you’ll have no motivation to explore the extraordinary capabilities of your mind.

The pursuit of mindful leadership will help you gain a deeper understanding of yourself and your bearing to others. Mindfulness will drive away trivial and noisy thoughts to help you focus on what’s paramount. Ultimately, it will allow you to become an authentic leader in your field.

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